Reflection

I didn’t immediately write down all the feelings about finding out we are expecting a baby boy. It didn’t even occur to me until this moment. Oh the differences between the first pregnancy and the second. The novelty has certainly faded.

But it happened, one week before Christmas, interrupted by a few bathroom breaks. We saw the little penis and cried tears of joy.

I hoped for a boy when I was pregnant with Sienna. Don’t know why, just did. And I experienced about 10 minutes of disappointment when we found out it was, indeed, a girl. Then I scraped together all of my gratitude for a healthy baby and started to warm up to the idea of getting the opportunity to raise a girl, knowing that I would have a chance to connect with her in the ways that my own mother could never connect with me. A blessing.

This time around, the confirmation of a boy was met with instant excitement. We would share the news at Christmas with gingerbread cookies decorated with the words “It’s a boy!” I was elated to be able to give our son—still excited that I get to say we’re having a son!—my father’s name as his middle name. I would have done it with a girl, too, but this just felt so right.

I received an email yesterday with the results of the scan and yep, everything looks great. He’s even measuring a week ahead, which concerns me. Evan likes to tease me that he was a 10.5 lb. baby. Sienna was a peanut at 7lb 8oz. I’m not crazy about pushing out anything bigger than that, but I supposed I’m all warmed up in the event that it could happen… ugh.

The birth center is a cute place, complete with a full-size bed and a tub. It’s not quite as nice as the holistic birth suite that I was spoiled with in Ohio, but my options are limited here. Despite living in a progressive place, the North Shore Birth Center is the only birth center promoting a natural, water birth option in the entire region.

I’ve only met two of the midwives so far. The first one has been great, the second one seemed a little silly. She was nice enough, but at the time I met her she was either overly caffeinated or just in a really quirky mood. Regardless, I’m still feeling pretty good about my choice and know that I’ll be in good hands when the big moment arrives.

Today was the first snow of the season and despite being trapped inside for the past three days with a slight cold and a sick toddler, I still feel giddy when Sienna lovingly places her hand on my tummy and says “baby boy!” She knows she’s getting a little brother at some point, and after watching her take interest in her littlest cousin (born at the end of October) I have a feeling she’s going to be a very attentive big sister. I can’t help it, this just makes me warm and fuzzy. Which is nice, because I could use some warm and fuzzies right about now.

Twenty-fifteen is basically fizzling out, which is fine with me. This year has been weird in all kinds of ways, but the ending is sweet. I’m not making any resolutions, other than to stop focusing so much on what is wrong with the world and instead focus on what is directly in front of me. I’ll always be the type that looks ahead and fantasizes about the future, but I’m long overdue to prioritize the small moments that I’m living in each and every day.

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