From May 23:
I enjoy learning something new every day. It’s quite possible with the Internet and an almost 2-year-old. Lots of new information to absorb, so much that it can be is draining.
Today, I learned something that I already knew. And it washed over me like a tidal wave.
I’ve already felt connected to the concept of gratitude for what we have, especially with an awareness that is impossible to escape (unless you stick your head in the sand) that there are millions, likely billions all over the world who do not have the things that we consider the bare necessities. Things we take for granted day in and day out.
A safe structure over our heads called a house. It can get a little messy, and tired, and sometimes it just needs to be fixed up a bit. The fact that we can even do that…is just mind boggling. Getting the house painted not once but twice in a year because we had a really bad winter. Fixing some weathered shingles, repainting outside doors that barely fit in their jambs. The doors, the shingles, they didn’t need to be changed. But, we have that option.
A kitchen. And not just a kitchen, but a kitchen full of food. And clean tap water that we can actually drink without filtration. Faucets turned on and off all day long, without much regard.
Separate bedrooms, and a closet full of clothes. All I had to do this morning was open the closet (which can be walked INTO, by the way) and decide which pants I wanted to wear. I had a choice, many choices actually.
Oh yea, and also a computer, an iPad and two smart phones. All capable of connecting us to the Internet at warp speed. Information at our fingertips. Any and every resource you could ever need.
And then I think about what that really means. Do we completely swear off the values and traditions of the past? Do we latch on to what we’re told: that we lack so much?
I feel this sense of lack all the time. It’s the thing that stirs up my anxiety and my worst fears. Losing everything, having nothing. But that would imply that I actually own things; that I have something to lose. Something that isn’t already contained within myself.
Which as far as I can see is the natural ability to just be aware of this, and to feel that gratitude and extend that positive energy to myself, and outward.
Sometimes I wander around the house, and the yard, and I enjoy the space I’m in. I am definitely grateful for being here, and for all of the experiences that lead me to this point in time. It’s a good place to be. It’s that nagging fear of losing it all that can block my ability to really bask in that sense of gratitude, the space that allows me to connect to it and let go of it at the same time.